Can I Still Pretend You're Mine?
by simplynotmyselff
Summary: Jeff is done with Nick and ready to go home. It isn't until he sits alone at the gate that something changes. He needs to see Nick, no matter the price. Even if it will be the last time.


_This was supposed to be a short drabble, but it got slightly longer than expected. And, yes, I did posted this before on Tumblr so you may have read it before._

* * *

**A thousand miles that I've still got to run and I hear you calling, a million ways to fix what we've become, to keep us from falling. We crash, we fall, we bend and break, try not to make the same mistakes. - Destine**

* * *

"That'll be fourteen." Jeff handed the cabdriver a twenty, as he stepped out of the yellow cab. "Keep the change." He moved over to the back over the car, opened the trunk and grabbed his suitcase and overnight bag. He swung the overnight bag over his shoulder and stretched out the handle of his suitcase. The iPhone in his pocket started vibrating as Jeff entered the airport, but he ignored it. Ignored the sound of Uptown Girl that played through his earphones, disturbing Coldplay's Paradise that supposed to be playing. Ignoring the sting in his chest at the sound of the voice filling his ears. Ignoring the tears that came dangerously close to the surface of his eyes.

The ringing stopped. _And so did his heart._

The boy left his suitcase at the baggage drop-off and moved to the gate. He was early. Too early, but it didn't matter. He had nothing else to do anyway. Nowhere else to go. _But he did._ Jeff collapsed on a blue stool formed out of recycled plastic as he waited. Waited for the plane to arrive, for his seat number to be called. Waiting to get out of this place.

The vibrating started again. Again that song. Again that voice.

With more force than necessary, Jeff ripped the buds out of his ears. _The same way his heart got ripped out. _He stuffed both his phone and the earphones in his overnight bag. He didn't need more things that reminded him. With a sigh the boy looked around, noting how it was still only him at the gate. _Alone again._

Of course, two times wasn't enough. Not two minutes later – enough for Jeff to space out – his iPhone ringed again, and again. Jeff just ignored it, over and over again. His eyes started to water again every time his phone went off again. He couldn't keep ignoring it, he knew, _but that's what you did to me too._

Jeff zipped open the bag and took out his phone, ready to answer when the ringing stopped, abruptly. Relieve washed over Jeff, but something else too. Jeff couldn't understand what it was. It wasn't sadness or anger, no confusion or self loath. It was something completely different. Worry? The feeling of something being off. Something was wrong but again, Jeff ignored everything his heart commanded him to feel. He placed the phone back into the bag, zipped it up and rested his head against the back of the stool, spacing out again.

"Jeff…" his head snapped up and Jeff – as confused as he was already, he must have fallen asleep - didn't expect what was happening to him in the next ten minutes.

Facing him was Blaine. Blaine, who he hadn't spoken to after that horrible "accident" of five years ago. The Blaine that led the choir group that meant more than the world to Jeff but left him and the others for the love of his live. _What was he doing here?_

Blaine neared him, his face broken. "Jeff, you need to come with me." His voice broken too. Jeff raised his eyebrow. "Why? Blaine what is wrong?"

The answer was never given. Blaine ignored the broken record and grabbed Jeff by the arm. "Wes is in the car outside, waiting. David has already canceled your flight and Flint is getting your suitcase." Confusion was all that Jeff could register. _What were all the former Warblers doing here?_ No words of protest could have stopped Blaine from dragging Jeff outside. Neither the fact that Jeff was much taller, nor the fact that he struggled against because his questions stayed unanswered.

Blaine reached the entrance with Jeff, who finally stopped struggling, but kept asking questions. "What is going on?!" Flint was loading Jeff's suitcase in the trunk. David took the overnight bag and gave it to Flint. Within a matter of seconds all of them were in the car and Wes took off.

Jeff sighed as he tried to free his arms from between Blaine and Flint. " . ?!" the four boys looked at each other, all wearing the same broken expression. Neither of them answered and Jeff thought it was suitable to let out a frustrated groan. This set Blaine off. He nearly ripped off Jeff's collar as he turned Jeff towards himself. "Nick is in the hospital, Jeff. There was a car accident just as Nick turned off the highway. He was going to the airport. He was going to _you_. To tell you he was sorry and how much he needs you. But someone got to him first… He was on the phone when it happened. He didn't saw or heard anything and someone drove into his side of the car, with full speed."

And suddenly that feeling that Jeff refused to let himself feel earlier made sense. The abrupt ending of the call. The worry. It all made sense.

Jeff had no idea when the tears stared flowing but they were unstoppable now. Sure, a lot had happened between Jeff and Nick lately, but that didn't meant that Jeff didn't care for Nick anymore. The opposite even, Jeff had never stopped loving his _ex_-boyfriend.

Ever since Junior year, just after Blaine left The Warblers, the boys decided it was time for the two of them to get together already. And so it happened that someone locked them into the storage closet in the kitchen for fourteen hours. They came out together, and were inseparable from that moment on. Until college came peaking around the corner. Decisions were made. Jeff went to Julliard, Nick went to Harvard. Both somehow forgot to include the other in their plans. Everything was fine at first, but years passed, the boys grew into man and connections vanished. The word 'sorry' had lost its real meaning, apologizes were made too often and the feeling of love got less by the minute.

It was Jeff's idea to visit Nick, because they _needed_ to talk face to face at least once before they jumped over the edge, regretting decisions they should've never made. Not that it mattered. Jeff found Nick unwilling to speak to him. Occupied by people, apparently more important than his own boyfriend. Jeff's decision was made. With pain in his heart and soul he hailed a cab back to the airport and found himself alone again.

Blaine struggled to keep Jeff together. He and Flint had both their arms wrapped around the boy, shushing and comforting him, but every piece of hope seemed to vanish with every sob Jeff let out.

They reached the hospital in no time and regrouped with the rest of the Dalton Academy Warblers. There were at least seven of them waiting in the waiting room. In the hallway, four other's found themselves keeping Jeff in place, waiting for him to break free and run for the Intensive Care or yell the entire hospital off its grounding – both had happened several times already. Wes, David and Thad – being part of the former Warbler-counsel – tried to oversee everything. David in the waiting room and Thad in the hallway. Wes kept contact with the doctors who refused to answer any of his questions.

Hours passed. More Warblers came in until finally every single one of them had arrived. The absence of news had tired them all, as had Jeff. He had long stopped crying because he had no more tears to waste, but the sobbing kept going, so did the self-pity and self-blaming. After an hour of bickering and protesting, Wes finally granted Sebastian permission to knock Jeff out, giving the rest of the Warblers some peace.

Most of the boys had settled in the waiting room, most of them asleep, spread out over multiplied chairs, resting against each other or against walls. Jeff was still in the hallway, unconscious. With him were Wes, who was still stalking doctors who passed by for information, Sebastian, to explain why the hell Jeff was unconscious in the first place and Trent, to keep Sebastian out of Wes' hair. The two haven't had an all too friendly history – Everyone remembered that time when Wes interrupted a Warbler meeting to kick Sebastian's ass for harassing Blaine - Blaine himself was on his coffee-round, but since almost everyone was asleep, he came back with only four cups.

The clock reached midnight. The Warblers had been in the hospital for a little over six hours. No news other than, "It doesn't look good." Had been released in the timeframe of six hours. Sebastian and Blaine were trying to wake Jeff when the doctor arrived. Wes immediately jumped out of his seat and almost tackled him. "How is he?"

The doctor ignored Wes as he looked around. "He's stable." A round of relieved sighs sounded, including a moan from Jeff – Sebastian, as subtle as always, slapped him across the face to wake him up – as he reached the surface of consciousness. "Morning Jeffy." Jeff groaned and felt his head, where Sebastian had knocked him out earlier. "Yeah, that's my fault. You wouldn't shut up – but the doc says Nick is stable." Sebastian quickly added before Jeff could say anything. His eyes immediately searched for the doctor. "Can we see him?"

The doctor shook his head. "Sadly no, I need family first. Are they here?"

The boys looked at each other. "Uhm, no. But we have his boyfriend here." Blaine answered, pointing to Jeff, who's water reservoir seemed to be refilled again. He refused himself to let out more tears. He didn't want to seem weaker than he already seemed, but the fact that he couldn't be with Nick this exact moment was killing him, more than it should.

"I'm sorry kid but I really need to talk to his family first." That's when Jeff broke. He jumped out of his seat and went right up to the doctor's face. "They live in Texas! The first plane to New York is in four hours! We are all he has, right now! Don't you get it?!" it took both Trent and Blaine to get Jeff seated again.

"I'm sorry, but rules are rules." The doctor turned on his heel, ready to leave when Sebastian chirped in, his all too famous grin spread across his face. "Sir?" the doctor turned around, with a tired sigh. "Yes?"

"You say rules are rules and since you are following the rules so clearly, you wouldn't mind me calling my father about this would you?"

Suddenly, Sebastian's smirk wasn't only on his face, but on the others too. Sebastian continued neatly. "I think he would be delighted to hear about this outstanding citizen who's following the rules and denying his son and his friends permission to go see and support one of their own." The boy pulled out his phone, unlocked it and typed in a phone number.

"Perhaps you may have heard of him? Christian Smythe?" without a second thought, Sebastian pressed call and held the phone out in the open. The colour in the doctor's face drained so quickly it was almost unhealthy, at the mention of the name of Sebastian's father. "N-no. No, I mean, it's pass midnight. There's no need to wake him now. Y-you can go in but two at a time." And he was gone.

"_Domino's Pizza, can I have your order please?"_

Sebastian ended the call, the smirk never leaving his face. Jeff looked up at him, all his hate gone. "Thank you." Sebastian waved it off and he assured Jeff through the hallway, to Nick's room, followed by Blaine. Wes and Trent went to wake up the others. "Being friends with the Major's son isn't such a bad thing, is it?"

It wasn't. Of course, not all the Warblers were from a rich and wealthy family. Some of the boys that went to Dalton got in with scholarships or loans - like Nick, who's parents didn't have a private jet waiting for them in their backyard, and who did have to wait for the next flight out of Texas - but in time of crisis, the boys knew how to pull some strings and use their last name in their advantage. This was such moment.

"Who's gonna go with me?" Blaine and Sebastian gave each other the same look. Blaine answered, "You're going by yourself. We can wait." And without another word, Sebastian pushed him inside, closing the door behind him.

Cursing Sebastian on the other side of the door, Jeff slowly moved over to Nick's bed. Nick himself was asleep, the heart rate monitor beeping softly above his head. Jeff didn't care to pull out a chair or anything. All Jeff wanted to do was hold his boyfriend's - _ex-boyfriend's _- hand and wait until he wakes up. "Nicky."

Jeff took Nick's hand in one of his own and used his other hand to brush a few strains of hair out of Nick's face. "It's Jeff. I'm still here and I won't leave you until you wake up."

Silence.

Jeff sighed. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. He had a lot of things to say, but telling someone you hate him while he's asleep might not be the best idea. "Nicky, will you please wake up? You've scared the living shit out of me, you know that? Why would you be on the phone while you're driving? You're the one who always called me out on it and look what happened!" Jeff let out another sigh. "I was so scared… I thought-I thought you wouldn't make it. I know, I know it was stupid to think but I was just so scared, Nicky. Just, don't ever do that again, alright? I can't lose you like that."

Someone knocked on the door. Jeff turned around, letting go of Nick's hand in the process. "Mr. Sterling, can I speak to you?" a nurse asked. Jeff hesitated a little, looking back at Nick before following her outside. Jeff closed the door behind him. He hadn't yet let go of the door handle when a sudden loud beep in Nick's room caught his attention. And not only his, the nurse pushed him aside and rushed into the room where she called out for back up.

Jeff had seen way too many movies to know what that beep meant. He darted into the room, only to be immediately pushed out again by the entering doctors. They closed the door in his face. Leaving Jeff to himself. Jeff felt helpless; he started pounding on the door, yelling out to let him inside until the Warblers had to take him away.

Minutes that felt like hours passed and suddenly the door swung open. If Flint and Thad hadn't grabbed Jeff tightly by the arms he would have launched himself at the doctor. The doctor that looked like hell, one who had just tried to save someone's life. A doctor who had failed to save the life of one young man.

Everyone already knew the answer, but no one would believe it until it got confirmed. "Well?!" Jeff blurted out when the silence got too much. The doctor shook his head and with a sigh he answered,

"I'm sorry. He didn't make it."

And that was all Jeff needed to hear to confirm what has been on his mind ever since Blaine picked him up from the airport. It was over. This time for real.


End file.
